well, i getting emo again lol, the sense of emo ppl describe. Hmm, i was like reading through blogs, digging into one after another and seeing their pictures in their life flash past me.

lol, perhaps that was one thing i like to visit ppl's blog. Just to know wat happen to them recently, and get in touch with the latest news. Well, and usually i stop by some to comment if there is something uncommon. hmm, this few days, i been locking myself at home and going through my whole day with the computer. lol, probably wasting my time playing maple and watching heroes. haha, perhaps i just dont want to start my engine so soon yet. hai, i cant rest much, or laz any much longer. Parents had already start pushing me to study le... hai, the fact is tt they are more worried than me.

well, pop by gek teng blog and read abt her post, i guess everyone got their own problems, whether the existence is there or not, and how we rectify it. I myself as an only child is quite boring sometime, and at home, without much gd communication with my parents, my life is usually revolving around myself. Yet again, thinking that jumping into my own side of complaining that my parents are not communicating, it oso was my problem. If they do not act, then i should take the initiative to act, to strengthen our communications. Well, i dunnoe if ppl say tt it is true tt i had push myself too much. Well, without pushing myself, i would nvr find myself the satisfication that i am of use in this world. I hate feeling useless.

hmm, i had nvr intend to give up on many stuff, although i broke a few promises, i dont want it to happen again. especially piano, i just dont like ppl teaching me wat to do, i prefer to go by myself. Sometimes, i feel so lonely into myself that i can just go mad. Well, many ppl say i emo coz i probably get easily emotional when things happened to me. hai, i guess i am a kind of thinking person. Thinking and analysing is wat i always do, the race for knowledge etc. i just pray that pride is not wat i am after for. my "dark side" just keep acting up.

Well, to tell u the truth, i had many phobia from the past. now i realise the impact it had in my life. from small or even until now, i tend to rmbr all the stuff that had happened to me, whether bad or gd. especially, the parts i get humiliated by friends or family, or being taunted or punished, i rmbr them all and it acts as a dictionary in my mind to predict and future occurance, and my mind kind of want to defend from it. Well, for gd stuffs to, i feel safe and open to only a few person whom in my memories had nvr done any things tt made me suspect them. Also all the gd memories, i still can remember them crystal clear.

For recent yrs, i had been trying to dicover my gift, abilities and talent. All i found that is i had a very pwerful spartial mind, an excellent analyst and gifted in strong long term memory. Well, my weakness is emotion, short term memory, and articulation of language.

hmm, well, altough i am a christian and i know worrying is not a gd thing, but that is my greatest weakness i had to rectify. Well, i dont think those time when i am unhappy or shouting, is usually not usually coz by anger, it is more of by worrying. I throw tantrum or started yelling coz i am worried. when i worry, i get frustrated and started to want to expel the stress in my mind. well, the worst pain for me is that when i try to keep all my emotion into myself, bottling all up and nvr sharing it to anyone coz i got the phobia tt ppl could laugh at me or think i am nuts.

well, i just pray that i will get over worrying, and start a life, where worries is not my priority, but being able to give hope and the mind set of constantly moving on.

end of emoing LOL.

kkaz cyaz GOD bless Tcare gdnite